[Today Riley can be found hanging out in the back of Needle in a Haystack. She's sitting on top of a pile of boxes, leaning back on one hand as she smiles at the recording she's making. Today she's feeling pretty good about things. Especially about the thing she wants to ask about.]

Okay so people in the past of my world used to celebrate birthdays a lot. They apparently had parties and all that to go "whoo hoo! I lived to see another year!" Now, where I'm from we've pretty much lost that because, well, reasons.

[She shrugs like "Apocalypse. What are you gonna do?"]

But here's a question for all of you. How do you celebrate your birthdays? Parties? Presents? Food? Nothing? I wanna know because I want to know all that stuff that I've been missing out on all these years because like hell was anyone going to be celebrating the grand existence of me. Even if they totally should have.

[That makes her laugh a little.]

Tell me about your birthday stuff. It's time to share again!

[Riley is sitting in the middle of her room at Loki. She's got a candy bar in one hand and a sheet of paper in the other. Grinning, she takes a bite of the candy then shifts about to lean back against her bed. There's boxes all over it.]

Okay... [Yes, Mags. She's talking with her mouth full again.] Fo. We've ha' fum... [She swallows.] ...shit storms recently. I think it's time to lighten the mood and ask a really fucking serious question.

[She puts on a serious face and points at the paper with her candy.] Would any of these... [She points at the world at large with the candy.] ...work on any of you?

[With that, she clears her throat and looks over the paper before giving everyone her sexiest look.]

Hey, baby. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

[Her lip trembles as she tries not to just bust up laughing.]

If you think you feel good, you should feel me.

[She lets out a snort.]

Hey babe! There's a party in my pants and you're invited!

[Okay no. She's done. Riley busts up laughing because all of these are so bad!] Who the hell uses this shit? It's more likely to get you punched in the face!

[Riley’s giggling can be heard even if her face can’t be seen. It seems she’s currently sneaking through Needle in a Haystack to where there are a bunch of voices. With a snort, the giggling stops as she aims the view around the corner to show…

A bunch of shirtless Assassins in various stages of irritation over the fact. It’s so funny to her that she has to share this with the world.]

( [Six Assassins learn they're shirtless below cut] )

They just disappear? Nothing will stay on any of us?

[An Italian accent chimes in, and Ezio turns his head towards the group, back to the camera, and actually trying not to smile. Okay, so in between all of this war, it’s funny to him, despite the irritation he may feel.]

I have only tried once- and as much as I wish to see if it would work, I am not certain I wish to sacrifice more of my clothes if Asgard demands we remain this way.

[A second equally Italian accent chimes in, far less entertained sounding.]

Is this a regular occurrence in this city then? People’s decency revoked for… amusement?

Come now, padre, you make it sound as if we are treated like barbarians. [Ezio can’t really hide the smile he’s wearing. Oops.] I do not mind the attention so much.

Your madre will have me up by my thumbs for parading about in public!

So will my wife. [Altaïr hesitates, as if he’s not really sure.] Most likely.

[ In the midst of the Assassins' kerfuffle, Desmond hurries in from the summer heat, equally shirtless and equally vexed. ]

Does anyone have a spare- oh.

[ If he wasn't bewildered before... ] Really?

[ It seems like Natasha is always last to know these things - but it was really inconvenient, to be honest. She’d been at work at the bar when her shirt had suddenly decided to take a vacation to god-knows-where. Now she’s come to join the cavalcade, hands propped on her hips once she spots the predicament of everyone else. Her bra has decided to stick around for the party, at least so far. ]

I liked that shirt. And I liked the rest of you with shirts, no matter how .. interesting .. the view. [ She sighs slightly, not ashamed of being sans-shirt but definitely very far from pleased. What’s next? Their pants? ]

[Connor wanders by Riley’s hiding spot about that point, utterly unruffled by his current state. He pauses briefly and glances in her direction.] Good morning, Riley. [And moves on with his day. These boxes won’t unload themselves!]

[Immediately everything falls silent as everyone but Connor turns to look at the Novice Assassin with looks that say she had better run.]

You should be impressed I was here this long without you noticing? She does look better than all of the rest of you though.

[That doesn't help the problem and she bursts out laughing as the angle changes to show Riley laughing her ass off as she runs as fast as she can because she is in SO MUCH TROUBLE.]

FUCKING WORTH IT!

[ooc: Welcome to the shirtless curse brought to you by Altaïr, Giovanni, Ezio, Desmond, Natasha, and Connor. It's an Assassin shirtless party! Well, most of the Assassins. Riley, for example, did not get hit and made the most of it.

Network responses very welcome but there will be an open thread for people to visit Needle in a Haystack if they want to see all the shirtless Assassins in person! Enjoy!]

[Riley pops on the screen while she takes a break from all the scavenging she's been going. She's got herself quite a collection going but why not take a breather? Besides, she has something she needs to address since everyone is down and, well, that just sucks.

So here she is, providing a distraction.]

Alright, I've been having a thought. I've seen a lot of girls in old magazines from back home and something always got to me whenever I looked at them. I mean, sure the makeup and clothes are weird because you can't do shit in most of them but here's the thing that really gets to me.

Was there some sort of cosmic bullshit that caused women to be completely hairless? Well, aside from super fabulous hair. And I mean hairless all over because I'm so not going to deny that I've seen the pornos floating about.

[Hey, she's a curious person, okay.]

Girls and women I've seen in my time have all that hair. Nothing wrong with it. It's hair, right?

[She shrugs and drinks some water from a bottle she has.]

Alright, are women hairless like that where you're from? Is this some weird as genetic thing no one ever told me about?

[Yeah. She has no concept of girls shaving.

So how's that for a distraction, Asgard? Who wants to be the first to explain shaving to her?]

[Hello, Asgard. This is Riley here and she is sitting on the kitchen counter in the house she lives in with the rest of the people from her world. Currently, she's snacking on a cupcake, clearly enjoying her sweet treat.]

Okay so, I've been here a few days and I think it's time I introduced myself. I'm Riley and I come from Ellie's world. You know, fucked up zombie apocalypse with more squishy mushroom people and less rawr braaaaains. [Yes, she even made a scary face just for that. Okay, back on topic after a lick of frosting.]

So, some of you know my girl Ellie. Still, not the point of this.

Alright, I want you all to tell me your favorite alcoholic drink. Or drinks. I'll allow a top three if you're really too lame to pick one. And if you're too much of a pussy to have tasted alcohol then you should tell me your most embarrassing story instead.

Got it? Cool, give me the best you got.

[She'll just wait here.]

[Don't bother on wondering what's wrong with the bracelets today, travelers, because there's actually nothing wrong with them. The image is upside down because Jack is the one lying down like that, skinny legs resting on the back of the couch, his head almost touching the floor and making his hair spike in more directions than usual.

His question for the network sounds rather mundane and boring, especially for someone like Jack, but there's a grin on his face that shows there's more to it than it looks. Remember: never trust a prankster.]

Soooo. Pets are popular around here, right? Then tell me, what do you do when hair starts getting everywhere? [He pokes one of the cushions on the couch with his staff, and it's obvious he's exaggerating his story a little.] Extra points if it's rabbit fur you have tips for. Though I kinda doubt it because what I'm always seeing in the network is...

[His eyes widen.]

...dogs.

[And so does his grin. There's "mischief" written all over his expression. At times like this, Jack manages to look like the annoying teenager he died as.]

Geez, there's really have a huge amount of dogs around, isn't it? Do you guys think maybe I could borrow them from you? Rent them? Just for a day. It's for a little... experiment.

[Jack might just be vanishing very quickly off the screen, as if something very large has just grabbed him by his skinny ankles and hoisted him skywards. A gruff Aussie accent identifies the culprit of aforementioned Jacknabbing.]

NO! I don't want no bloody dingos running about the place. They're unhygienic. [And this has nothing to do with the fact he's petrified of them, nope.]

Hey! What are you-- [A snort.] Awww, it's our dear kangaroo jealous? Don't worry, Cottontail, your fur will forever be the only one in our--

[Jack can't finish because he's suddenly being shaken, and the feed ends... but not without showing a giant furry creature doing the shaking first.

Another normal day in the Guardians' home, yup.]