asgardeventide | [Anon Text] The editors are not responsible for any possible side effects.

Denizens of Asgard!
You wanted to know the truth about these so called gods?
The As(s)Guardian has heard you!
No more secrets! No more unanswered questions!
ARE YOUR BODIES WELL PREPARED?

The truth is shocking, isn't it?
How is it possible to be living under the ruling of such vitiate deities?
Well, dear readers, it shouldn't be a problem at all.
BECAUSE THE TRAVELLERS ARE AS BAD AS THEIR UNPOPULAR GODS!

And let's not forget about our blinging redhead and his collection of fanboys and fangirls!
~~Or should we say 'his pimps and ho's~~

Asgard is sure filled with tragic love stories, isn't it?
We could even say... inspiring!
ALLOW LADIES ROXY AND EURI TO SHARE THE MOST ROMANTIC LITERATURE WRITTEN BY THEIR VERY OWN LOVING HANDS

The keen eyes of The As(s)guardian have noticed that some of our lovely denizens struggle with the act of kissing. And if isn't the act of kissing itself it is kissing the wrong person!
My, such tragedy!
Therefore our glorious magazine has provided a most handy Kissing Guide. The complete overview of how to kiss with the tongues. We also had the (involuntary) help of Asgard's most famous kissing ninja duo: Whiskers and Sasuke. Please utilize this handy-dandy guide and become a MASTER OF KISSING!

{Images based on real events. That's what they teach you in ninja academy.}

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

((ooc: Well, ladies and gentlemen, here it is! The post for the Gossip Girl plot! ~~Anything too dumb I'm blaming it on Loki.~~ I'm turning off my notifs so feel free to mingle and jump on each other. Remember the network is glitchy so have fun with that too! Jack and Loki will anonfail some time in the comments so keep an eye out for them. If you need to contact us for anything, comment on the ooc plotting post or shoot us a pm.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It wasn't that funny!

...okay. Maybe a couple of the parts about other people. But that's not my point.

Huh...

[Considers this seriously for a few seconds; arrives to the obvious conclusion.]

Say, should I kill the guys who did it? That'd make you feel better, right?

Wh-- no, no, don't kill anybody over it.

...maybe just threaten a little bit, though. Think I could live with that.

Sure thing. They gave themselves away because of the weird network, so it's not like they're even hard to find.

But what about a little torture? I'm pretty good at ripping thumbs off. I'll even save 'em for ya.

Hard to write anything when your hands are bloody stumps~

You really, really do not need to torture anybody. Okay? It wasn't that bad, it's not like anything but my pride's taken a hit here.

It's not much of a threat if I can't follow through, but okay. But how come it bugged you? It's true, isn't it?

Because I didn't tell anybody besides--

...wait.

You didn't tell them, did you?

Nope. Never even met 'em before.

[It's at about this point that the feed starts getting fuzzy. The only bit that can really be picked out of this particular message is a very irritated-sounding "egregious breach of privacy".]

Sorry, the network ate most of that. Think I got the gist of the sentiment, though.

You're sure you never- [hisscracklestatic] or [scrapplesnaptwange] -on the walls somewhere?

...reasonably sure! Whatever that was, I probably didn't do it.

Not even-

[TWANGEcracklecrackhiss.]

-because I think that happens to everybody at least once.

[Taking a wiiiiild guess.]

...what, texting in your sleep?

...is that even possible? I think I'd just end up with drool all over my bracelet if I tried.

Maybe? Never done it. What were you saying then?

Oh! --just if someone had poisoned ya with some gut-dissolving drug and withheld the cure until you'd spilled your more figurative guts.

That happens all the time, right? Until you get others to test your food first, anyway.

[Is that the static totally wiping out something, or just dead air on his end? It could be either, really.

In the end he decides he's just not arguing that.]

...I make all my own food, Henry.

Huh... is that why you started cooking? 'Cause that way you'd know it'd be safe? Pretty clever move!

I lived by myself, it was easier than- [...than something that's cut out by audio fuzz.]

But no, no poison involved.

Ohh. I heard- [Dead silence, followed by an uncomfortably reverberating twang.]

--one way to build immunity.

[Anon Text] The editors are not responsible for any possible side effects.

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